Spicy Burgers with Chipotle Mushroom-Onion Topping

In honor of National Burger Day (yup, that’s a thing) I’m sharing my recipe for spicy adobo burgers with a chipotle mushroom and onion topping. But first, I’d like to share a few helpful tips for grilling burgers:

• DO NOT flip your burgers more than once. Multiple flips lead to overcooking.
• DO NOT overcook the burgers. An overcooked burger is a dry, mealy, gray meat cake that looks vaguely like a hockey puck. Don’t eat hockey pucks. Those are for playing hockey.
• DO NOT press down on the burgers. This squeezes all the juice (flavor) out, leaving you with a dry, overcooked (see last burger tip), flavorless meat wad . That’s gross.
• FYI: If you claim to like your burger “well-done” I have some news for you: you don’t actually like burgers. Do the cook a favor and specify what you actually want so there’s no confusion. In other words, don’t ask for “a burger, well-done,” ask for “a dry, flavorless meat wad,” or “a hockey puck,” they’ll know what you mean.

Burgers:

• 1 lb ground beef (80-20 is best, remember, fat = flavor)
• 1 tsp adobo seasoning
• a pinch of salt and pepper

Onion Topping:

• 1 tbsp olive oil
• 1 yellow onion
• 8 oz. sliced mushrooms
• 1 ½ tbsp tomato paste
• ⅓ cup beef broth
• 1 chipotle pepper in adobo
• salt and pepper

And so forth:

• Beer (In this case, a Hop Valley Alphadelic IPA) for drinking while grilling… and while eating… and other times, too
• Pretzel Rolls
• Pepperoncini rings
• Cheeses (I use a jalapeno jack and a medium cheddar)
• Other toppings (My favorites are Sweet Baby Rays and Beaver Brand)

Step one: Open a beer.

To make the topping, slice the mushrooms and the onions. Preheat the olive oil in a medium frying pan over medium-high heat. Add the onions, and saute them, stirring frequently, until they’re lightly toasted, about 2-3 minutes. Add the sliced onions, season with salt and pepper, and toss to combine. Cook, stirring frequently, until the onions are just translucent, about another 2-3 minutes.

Puree the chipotle pepper (use more than one for a spicier topping) into the tomato paste and beef broth, and then add the resulting mixture to the pan. Stir to combine, allow to simmer, and then reduce the heat to low. Allow the mixture to continue cooking (stirring occasionally) as you cook the burgers.

To make the burgers, mix the listed ingredients in a bowl, and form ½-inch thick patties. I usually make 1/3 pound patties to serve my gluttonous desires (and because my wife won’t let me make half-pounders) but I would encourage four ¼ pound burgers of normal size.

I usually mix my own adobo seasoning (I really like this simple recipe), but a store-bought mix will do just fine!

Preheat the grill over medium-high heat, and either coat the grates with grill spray or brush them with oil.

Cook the burgers on the pre-heated grill for no more than three minutes on each side (for a total of six minutes). If you’re going to add cheese, do it just after the first flip, close the lid, and allow the cheese to melt.

Remove the burgers from the grill, and – much like a steak – allow them to rest so that those delicious juices have a moment to diffuse back into the meat. You don’t need to give them the 5-10 minutes needed for a steak, but maybe 2-3 minutes, which is (coincidentally) just enough time to slice and toast your buns.

Load the bun up with the topping, the burger, and whatever else you’d like, crack a new beer, and enjoy!

I will leave you with the immortal words of the burger-purist, Ron Swanson: