I look like what?!?!?!??!?

I was just in my local Safeway buying beer to consume on this hot afternoon. Given that I have a fridge full of homebrew, and a pretty good stock of random craft brew 22’s in the house, I was on a quick run to pick up some easy-drinking brews that go well in the anomalous 90-degree heat that we’re currently experiencing in the greater Seattle area. Per my wife’s request, I scooped up a pack of Corona Light, which of course reminds her of our wedding in Mexico, and is a favorite go-to on summer days. For myself, I had a hard time picking out what I wanted, and eventually conceded with a sampler pack of Red Hook. Yeah, yeah… it’s not an adventurous choice, but I just wanted a case of beer that I knew I could enjoy in the heat. That’s the short version of the story.

Here’s the other version.

I arrived in the beer aisle, and began perusing the selection. Given that the thermostat is topping 90, the beer section was pretty well-picked over. I didn’t want anything too heavy (or too expensive) so I steered away from some of the pricier and thicker choices. As you can imagine, I was dodging other shoppers, and as I was looking for the Corona Light, I shimmied past a flat cart of various beers and a talkative woman with an Anheuser Busch shirt on. I had seen her corner a handful of other customers and pester them into buying the Bud Light that she had just put on the shelf, and I was determined not to fall victim to her ploy. I grabbed the Corona, and again skirted her cart. As I went in for the case of Red Hook, I heard a shrill voice say “Hey! That’s not my beer!” I turned to see her motioning to the package of Corona in my hand. I glanced at her cart – which was filled with Budweiser and their associated products – and nodded. “That’s right, not to be rude, but I don’t like that stuff.” I motioned to the Corona, “This is for my wife.”

She paused for a moment, gave me a once-over, and then said the most offensive thing I heard today: “Yeah… no offense, but you DID look like a COORS LIGHT fan.”

I was stunned. You corner me in the beer aisle, where I am clearly avoiding the macro-brews in favor of the craft beer section, and accuse me of being a fan of Coors Light. Offense taken. Offense taken BIG TIME.

So I retorted with the following: “No offense, but I don’t like shitty beer.”

She looked at me. “Are you saying Bud is shitty?”


She stared for a moment longer. “Oh,” – as if she had just experienced an epiphany – “You’re a beer snob.”

“Yes, absolutely.”

“Well you could buy Shocktop… I deliver that one.”

“I don’t like Shocktop.”

“Me neither. You could get that Red Hook you had your hand on.”

I put it down. “Look, I’m probably going to get the Red Hook. I know that big beer distributes it for them, but it’s a consistent beer.”

She looked quizzical. “What’s big beer?”

I pointed at the red A birthing a full-grown eagle on her shirt. “That’s big beer… you should watch Beer Wars.

“Really? Beer Wars? What’s that?”

“A documentary about the beer industry.” I picked up my cases and moved to go.

“Really? Oooh, I LOVE documentaries! They make me feel smart when I watch them!”

I smiled, and turned to leave. “Good. See you later.”

“Thanks for the recommendation!”

I hope it works.



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